These few days I haven't been writing in here is because I experience a car accident, it's OK... and I have recovered! Just want to say in here that after all these times with my sister... I would like to say my heart have you Ibby and no matter what, I still love you!

Last Sunday midnight, my grandmother pass away in her age of 88! Although I am unhappy but thank you Ibby for being with me at my very unhappy times and I am mostly appreciate it... thank you Ibby! And I am now being refresh and getting on with my life!

Hahaa... last night I had a dream that I have bought a Toyota luxurious wagon called Vellfire! it's in purple (affect from Ibby since purple is her favourite colour!!!) and will be roughly shown as below which is the exactly same one that I've got in my dream!

I have no idea why it turns out to be like this since I have try my very best and it juz shown that much of the car! but anyways,  you can see the full car in my xanga album if you really interest! I am surpriced to have this tho and want to wake up really cuz I kno this is not real but I keep on and said, there is this one chance in a life time... why not have the car with me for the night... then it happens to be picking up the car from the garage and once it has arrived home... non stop service to my family, plus I think I did take Ibby, her brother and bb out in this car in my dream and with driving round my mates afterwards too... about 7 hours of these non stop driving in my dream with this car and it's juz a busy driving dream, believe me!!! So once I've waken up then I said to myself, this is a good dream, happy times and I have to work hard and buy it!!! kakakakaka... nice car, I loved it!

Things seems to be settle and sorted out at the start of this week so hopefully happy times do come to me now, and Ibby, I do miss you, and today when I was in the gym, I said to myself that I need to strengthen myself and keep me going in a healthy way in order to protect you and bring you warmth and happiness now and in future!!!

Heard a bad news last night from my 契妹 that her dad pass away in a car accident in China, I really feel sorry for her and I will be supporting you!!! "Why?" I am asking myself why when I went to gym this morning, Why all in a sudden depressing things coming along to me for a whole week? Not even having one day to take a break and make my heart feel happy?!? I can still remember when I used to study sixth form in the UK and I am always depress when I first moved in. At that time my tutor, Mario, an always happy Italian fun guy said this one thing to me when everytime I am depress! He said, "Joseph, in this entire world, you can never be unhappy forever, never! Okay, today you might not being happy, tomorrow you might not being happy too but the day after you will be happy again, that's definate and the day following on you might be happy or not happy again and so on, etc... It won't stay on to an (unhappy) status till the end of your life! But now since you are unhappy, the very simple way to relief this unhappiness is to think of something happy, Joseph, what else can makes you always happy? What is your most favourite that can makes you happy? Cars isn't it! Then think of cars, read car magazine, go online and see some cars! Also, go to the gym and have some good work out to kick out all the heavy unhappiness in your heart and physically strengthen yourself up! Then you will be happy again and when it comes to a happy day, you are well ready for it because of you have make and effort of being happy in your unhappy days so you will be happy to welcome your happy days!" OK but Mario mate, now it is not being happens for a couple of days but it's for a whole week now so please I did these for a whole week although I am physically happy but I really do feel it's enough! So please I pray to god, please give me a break and bring me some good news, please? I will be mostly appreciate it! seriously I do!

Maybe because of my 契妹 case, I found myself although I love Ibby before so much but I really did something that might hurt her, such as not having regular meals, not eating, drinking too much, drive so fast with no reason, etc... she shows all her care to me and loving me a lot but I just too 任性 and do what I like... This is wrong, this is my fault! So if I really do have a second precious chance with her, I will listen to her all and not pouring icy cold water into her love and care by being this 任性!!! My 契妹 case has taught me that when the loving one is there, we need to be 珍惜... if not it will all just ends up to be too late and being 後悔!!! Therefore, if there is this second precious chance, I will be more 珍惜 into this relationship with her because I do honestly, really love her!

This morning I went to the gym, had a good work out, I notice that today I am a bit stronger now and I remembered what Ar Sum told me before that I wasn't this strong and body build up when I was in UK and now in HK I am getting stronger. Maybe I live happier in here than in the UK?!? hahahaha... Well then when I was back home ready to take a shower, I look at myself naked in the mirror, I can still see some little tan left and yes a bit stronger, ie slightly bigger muscles. Then I am looking at this body, Why I have such a body? Is it mainly affect by Ibby? Well I must say yes because if she didn't ask me to go for a tan, I just being too lazy to have one, and now I am a bit stronger with a slightly bigger muscles is also because of Ibby because I believe if I live more healthy, she will be more happy! I might be wrong but that's how I feel! Then the summary is I did stronger than when I was in the UK, actually I think is mainly based on Ibby too cause she bought me happiness in Hong Kong and I am happy and get fitter! Some people when they are in love, they will have a tattoo of loving each other on their body. Well for me, I don't think I need a tattoo, my whole body is just a massive natural tattoo for being love Ibby because if I don't love her, I won't do all these by myself and have this body with me now. I might probabily still with my weak body when I used to have in the UK! It's interesting though, how being in love with a person can affect my whole body structure! Which is good! And Ibby you should see my naked body because it is a massive "I Love You body" to you! Kakakakaka... (Just for fun, no offence!!!) But that's true though, my body can reflect some love from me to you!

Hmmmm... Today I can feel my heart don't have a love feeling with Ibby! it's changed to a kind of 感情 but with some love in there! but this sort of feeling I can tell is a very good feeling, it means that the love from me to her is being more mature and I honestly I cannot feel that to any other female friends around me! Only feel that with Ibby, so I think Ibby is securely fit into my heart with love! Ibby cannot be taken away from my heart!

This afternoon, been having a nice good chat with Karen over MSN! Thank you for sharing my feelings with me and given me some advise and guidiance on what I should and what I should not do according to my feelings! Thank you, and I will know what to do, thanks a lot Karen! and finally Ibby, hope your stress level between you and yah assistant has been reduced and I do think of you and miss you! But I am happy, living healthy and running well for everything!

After of what it has been happened, most of my friends these few days has been caring of me, making me happy, supporting me and hoping that I will be OK, and this including you Ibby, whenever I miss you and want to have a little chat with you, you will be beside me and making me comfort. I am really appreciate and I would like to firstly say a big thank you for all of you that includes you Ibby, thank you!

Friends yesterday calling in to me, some said "Supporting me and do really wish that one day Ibby will know how good I am and how care and love I am to her and can get back to me again when she become more mature!", "To forget about Ibby and get on with a new love life when it comes again because I deserve better!", "Almost of a 2 years relationship definately there is changes, there will be no 愛情 only have 感情, it is not a 2 months or a 2 hour start of a relationship where you are still in a 熱戀期, it has been upgraded to 感情, what can she expect? An always look surpriced 18 years old baby face Joseph Chan???", "Wait until the fate coming back to you and Ibby and be each other again and be forever!", "How dare her do that to you and turn you down like this!", "Do something to get her back?!?", etc... And my mates going out with me last night in a whole night, just keep on pointing girls in the street to me and say that look fit bird, get her and forget Ibby, and keep discovering in a grid type of the most attractive point that worldwide girl has?!? Ar sum even teach me how to get a Chinese lady where it's cheaper, ie. 包二奶!!!!??? not a related topic mate and Fuen said fit bird mostly in the street are always holding hands with an ugly guy so they all prefer me to cut my face having a lot of scar to make me ugly and to get Ibby back, which Ibby is a fit bird!!! Oh there are juz too many nonsence, maybe we say it because we all drunk at the end!!! (all these with no offence to you Ibby, they just want to make me laugh and be happy again that's it!!!)

However Ibby, I would like to open up my heart here to say something in my heart that I really want to say to you, no matter how nonsence and how my friends said something about this case (as shown partially above) to me. In my heart, there is no such kind of who's being right or who's being wrong in this case, they just don't understand clearly between us! or maybe they are trying to make me happy to say all these! I know that you have changed, I did changed in a point too but I can be able to put myself back to the right track so that's OK. However I see you've been trying hard but if you can't get back to the track then that's not your fault, because you've been trying! If it can't, it just can't!!! If it can, it will definately can!!! As simple as that! But my heart, if you ask me now who I love, it's definately you Ibby! You've played a very important role to my life after I've moved back to Hong Kong and no one, exactly no one can replace this, you are the first one! There is a song, sung by 鄭中基 called 天意, the song was like this,

共你笑望過去的　註定於一天相識 (That day was those days I got back to Hong Kong from UK)
是偶遇(we randomly met each other in AKzone)　那一章不太特殊
一天我心　失去支柱 (Those unhappy days, getting lost and not getting used to starting my a new life in Hong Kong)
你決意阻止我再輸 (You are here to support me, bringing me happiness and don't let me down for my new life here in Hong Kong)

共你笑望過去的　一些所得所失 (The day we happily start and the day you leave this precious relationship)
是際遇　記憶真太特殊 (This is a favourable or unfavourable turns in life, it's very special)
這一天　回味各種奇遇 (Today when I look back to our happy memories)
你亦同闖凄風冷雨 (We have been facing all our remarkable up and downs)

＊知不知你的真心意　沒道謝我也深知 (I can recieved all the love from you, it's been very sweet!)
　我說我一生　最精彩只得一次 (In my life, this kind of things only happens to me once! ONCE!)
　從開始　暗地裏我感激天意 (I really did thank you God for having you in my relationship!)

　在這天　直至這生走遍 (From this moment, till I am old and died)
　也想你攜手衝過終點 (I really want to share my whole life with you!)
　甚至他生再遇見　仍想起今天
　便約定相依身邊＊ (If there is a second chance, I will think of the day we happily start and come back again with me!)

REPEAT＊

這天　直至那一天
也想你攜手　衝過終點 (Today, till the day I am old and finished my life, I really wish you are the one with me!)
甚至他生再遇見　仍想起今天
便約定相依身邊

Those I've written in English beside the lyrics above is about how this song related to what my heart really feel now! This one song can simply say everything to you Ibby what I feel in my heart for now and ever. I have been listening to this song while I drive, gym, going out, etc... thesedays. And when everytime I drive home using route number 3, the only route I get back home by car, I can always see your home, and Lai King station where I must change train to get home from the city. I will think of you! Especially waiting you there once in halloween! Too much memories... I love you and you are extremely important to me, although I know you said you've change, but please when you feel comfort, think of me as the other half, been this much in loving you. I really do one day that you can understand why I have been loving you this much and how care and love from me to you and change your feeling if possible back to me which as the end of the song saids to give me and you a second chance for this relationship and make it last ever! I beg you here please because I love you, and I will always open my warmth arms and give you a warmth hug to get you a warmth welcome back!

In a mean time, I would like to say after this happens, I will work even harder and live more healthy to keep me fit and being positive to keep me running!!!

And finally please, if other people have seen this please don't leave messege here that saying something bad  and offensive to Ibby because she has been a hard and difficult time too and she does not deserve this! SHE IS NOT WRONG! This not only makes her even hurt it also makes me even hurt, so please don't!!!

Our happy memories,